Weakness

Romans 8:26-27 (NIV)  
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

There are times when I feel especially weak during this process. Not so much in a physical sense, although my stamina has certainly been blitzed by the chemotherapy, and not spiritually—I know God is in control. My weakness is indicated more by my emotions. When the emotional tank gets low, I come to the end of myself, realizing I just don’t have the power to bull my way through. I feel, but I cannot express. My heart is heavy, but I cannot tell you why. Tears are just below the surface, but I am not sad about anything.

How good to know that the Spirit of God intercedes in our behalf even when we do not how to do it for ourselves. There are times when I pray, “Lord, you know my heart better than I know it. Do what needs to be done.”

Again, I come to the place of just how dependent upon God I am. This need to depend upon God was put in all of us at creation. Many ignore it, or try to soothe it away with religion, social interaction, or medication. God designed me (and you) to depend upon Him. For a self-sufficient (and very task-oriented) American, that is often hard to do.

So the Spirit intercedes for me according to God’s will. No, my heart yearnings won’t get me around God’s plan for me. But what does match up with His plan is carried on to the throne. And I further believe that the Spirit also will be at work in my heart to bring it around to following and affirming God’s plan. This is a good place to be. I am thankful that my God desires to be so personally in my life and every life.

Updates:

• Had some tests locally today that will be sent to Emory for part of the evaluation process which determines if I can stand the "cure." Hope I passed.

• No dates yet beyond our initial meeting on Ground Hog Day (February 2). 

• Please continue to pray that my disease continues to respond to the treatment, and that I continue to lean on Christ for the whole deal - spiritual, physical, and emotional.